Saturday, 16 April 2016

17 Weeks Pregnant



How Far Along?
 17 Weeks

Anything making you queasy or sick? 
Yes and no. I'm officially over the nausea, but some things still seem really unappealing to me. Caesar salad (which was a craving that went awry a couple months ago) is one example. I can't think of any others, but they pop up here and there. Thankfully my heartburn has subsided quite a bit. I've been able to drink lattes this week. Black coffee makes me nervous and doesn't seem very appealing, so still staying away from that. I can even eat mildly spicy food without paying for it (huge win for me as I love spicy!!)

Food Cravings? I've had some weird ones this pregnancy. Tuna melts. Chef Boyardee ravioli. Pickles. Strawberry milk. 

Mood? Pretty good! I'm so relieved to be feeling better (finally) since about the beginning of week 15. 

Symptoms? Not much for symptoms these days. Still feel a bit off if I don't eat on schedule, but thankfully the schedule is more like 3 meals a day rather than every 1.5-2 hours. I've been feeling more tired in the afternoons the past couple weeks. I'm very aware of how different the circumstances are this time around - running a dayhome is very different than sitting at a desk for 8 hours!

Sleep? Not too bad. I learned quick to drink as much as I can before 7-8 pm so I don't drink later on and have to wake up to pee. If I do wake up I have a heck of a time getting back to sleep. 

Movement? Yep! The little munchkin has been moving around a little more each day- I felt it really faintly beginning in week 15 and it's gotten stronger every day. It seems really early to me, but I know what it feels like this time so it was easier to say confidently that I'm definitely feeling baby move!

Best moment of the week? Well, this was more than a week ago, but a friend of mine was praying for the baby with her hand on my belly and while I had only been feeling itty bitty swishes here and there, as soon as she started praying I felt really distinct kicks and somersaults. It was a really cool moment.

Looking forward to? My next midwife appt is on Thursday. Love her. Love midwifery. Love love love.

Belly Button in or out? In (obviously)

Nursery Progress? It's still currently an office with a deep freeze and an extra pantry in there. Oh, and a really ugly lazy boy that I had (have?) aspirations of recovering to use as a rocker. It may still end up on Kijiji. 

Baby Loot: I'm going to pick up a Daphne bath seat this week and I'm stoked! I really didn't love the portable tub thing we had last time- it seemed like Elliott outgrew the reclined side of it long before he was ready to sit upright and it just felt awkward, both in the sink and in the tub. We moved to having him lay in shallow water in the tub really early on, but I think the Daphne seat will make it easier and more enjoyable for babe!

Friday, 8 April 2016

Mom Guilt, Grace and Lattes

Sometimes I wonder how I got here. How did I end up being the angry mom that loses her patience? 

Last night I sat with a good friend sipping tea- well, hot water with lemon and honey for me because this baby insists both tea and coffee are not acceptable. She is one of those friends that you can not see for 6 months and sit down and have meaningful, real conversation as though no time has passed. We talked about the good and the bad and the nitty gritty hard parts of parenting and how Jesus is present in it all. I left her house feeling refreshed and filled up and sure that I would be a better, more patient mom because of her wisdom.

And then I was woken at 5:20 this morning by a kid that seems to have forgotten how to sleep until 6. Yes, that's right, I would be so pleased with 6. My sore throat and cough seem to have evolved into a sinus cold and my head was pounding. Of course Tylenol does nothing and I can't take anything else. 

Sometimes it's hard to tell who feeds off of who's negative mood more, but either way it's safe to say that Elliott and I were both having a rough start. Things went downhill fast and by 9 am I had already resorted to taking him upstairs and plopping him in front of Peppa Pig just to give myself and the dayhome kids a break from his rampage. They can only take so much of his pushing/hitting/tackling, and I can only pull him off, redirect and give time outs so many times before we all go batty. Mostly me.

It wears on you, you know? Constantly correcting the same behaviour over and over. You've read the books, you know it's a cry for attention and maybe it would help to give him some focused one on one, but the truth is that at this point you're pretty sure he's doing it just to get under your skin and you kind of just want to call him an asshole. Please excuse my French. It's been a long morning. 

So how do you do this? How do you handle his mood when your own is declining at a rapid speed and you've cried four times already? Your headache is pounding and you even blame that on him because he woke you up so early. 

At one point he went to hit another kid and I literally lost it. I just saw red. I picked him up and put in in time out (buckled into a booster chair) and minutes later when it was snack time I just turned the chair towards the table where his snack sat. He picked up a fistful of crackers and crushed them in his hands. It may not have been deliberate disobedience, but man did it ever feel like it in the moment. I scooped him up, ran up the stairs and set him down, wailing in front of his Dad. Without a word I ran back down the stairs, made sure the kids were settled with their snack and ran to the laundry room to cry. 

Ohhhh, the mom guilt. 

I rushed up the stairs and scooped him into my arms, sobbing and apologizing. He was already fine- happy as a clam to be upstairs with his Daddy. 

"Why sad mommy?"
"Mommy's just having a bad day honey"
"I'm not sad. Daddy not sad either. Auntie not sad. Jonah not sad. Rezrae not sad."

Ugh. My heart. 


At one point in all this I had the thought that I should pray, or read my devotional for the day to recenter myself, but I just didn't feel like it. I've had days like this before. I know for a fact that I can't do it on my own strength. Still, I just didn't want to. I barely let myself finish the thought before pushing it down, defiantly. 
No. I don't want to ask Jesus for help. I just want this kid to stop.

And then Chris made me a latte- a risky move seeing as coffee gives me heartburn, but the headache and heartache was just too much and it seemed well worth the risk. He handed it to me and gave me a big, sympathetic hug. I sipped on it and let Elliott play a game on my phone, and a feeling of total grace washed over me. It was such a simple small thing, but it really just felt like an extension of God's love. Like he was saying "It's ok if you can't even muster up the strength to turn to me. Just take a little sip of my living water and remember what it tastes like."


So thankful for grace today. 




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-M


Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Baby Anthony 2.0 Due In The Fall!

Chris and I are so excited to be waiting on baby #2! He or she will be arriving at the end of September. I have thought a lot about whether or not I will do weekly pregnancy updates like I did with my last pregnancy, but I think posting each week might be a bit of a stretch for me. Instead I'll be doing them a little more sporadically. It might end up being biweekly, or sometimes there will be a 3+ week gap. All I'm saying is that I will do updates, but no promises how frequent they will be!

I am 15 weeks as of yesterday and still not feeling great. So far there have been some pretty big differences between this baby and last time. For instance, with Elliott I was sick right away as soon as I found out- we're talking 4 weeks pregnant and nauseated. By 5 weeks I could barely keep my eyes open in the afternoons and evenings. This time I didn't start to feel sick until the middle of my 6th week and it got bad fast. Within a week I was feeling a nauseated level of 3-4/10 at all times and it would peak to 8-9/10 multiple times a day if I didn't keep my stomach full enough. Also, it hit me really early in the morning, where as with Elliott I didn't feel sick until mid morning around 10 am, this time, within an hour of waking up I was near throwing up. It was really unpleasant- especially when I was trying to make breakfast for all the dayhome kids! So all that being said, I would definitely say the nausea is substantially worse this time around. I know, I know- "maybe it's a girl!" Only time will tell, as we are once again waiting to find out!

I think my worst week for feeling sick was Week 9, and then miraculously in Week 11 I suddenly felt 80% better! It was unexpected, but I wasn't complaining. Until Week 13 when I took a turn for the worse again. Just now, in the last couple of days (so, end of Week 14) have I been feeling a bit better again. With Elliott I felt 100% better by Week 17 and I'm holding out hope that means I only have a couple more weeks of this. It's tiring to constantly have to eat when nothing appeals to you and everything gives you heartburn. 

Heartburn. Ugh. I barely experienced any with Elliott, but with this baby I've been suffering since week 6. And boy is it horrible. It seems worse in the days that I feel more nauseated, but it seems like everything triggers it from spicy (obviously) to things I never would have expected like mustard, tomato sauce, vinegar, processed meats like garlic sausage and smokies.. and in really bad days, milk and yogurt. It makes me not want to eat anything and not really enjoy anything. Yet still, just like with Elliott, the only way to keep the nausea at bay is to continually stuff my face, mostly with carb heavy foods. 

Well that's enough about that. Just typing it all out makes me feel sorry for myself, ha ha!

I will also be sure to take belly pics again. I'll start with either this week or next- as soon as I figure out where to take them. We put a book shelf in front of the wall I used last time!



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Thanks for stopping by :)
-M


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